dian_at_work

Chapter 30: Karma

2011-09-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Karma (Sanskrit: कर्म ^] Pali: kamma) in Indian religions is the concept of "action" or "deed", understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effec

- copied directly from wikipedia

I personally believe in this, so much. When something is taken from you, something else will be given back to you equally, it's either you noticed it or not. Things go exactly the same way the other way round...

Anyway, this karma stuff has been further justified scientifically by Newton 3rd Law where actions and reactions is the same magnitude but opposite direction, for karma, it works the same but maybe the time responds varies.

I always believe everything is a circle, what you lost will be what you gain in the future, and what you have contributed you will get what you deserved, positively or even negatively...

Recently things does not go very smooth on me, where the plans were not proceed as how they were expected. Somethings' not right and some disappointments are unavoidable, whether I like it or not it happens. I hope when the lucks were taken from me at these aspects will results in return or larger fortunes... I dunno whether it works this way, but i felt better to think like that...

Nothing can stand in my way, I will go on!

Chapter 29: Complacent and humble

2011-04-06T02:13:00.000-07:00

only 3 types of people around us
complacent, humble, and somewhere between these two
since the middle has nothing burning to talk about, lets have fun with the remaining 2

a good way to describe complacent can be self-confidence, motivating, self-encouraging etc...
the other way round is the ugly truth, ignorance, smug, unbothered etc..

on the other hand, humble is always the most precious value we need to implant, especially in Asian's culture... but overly humble will make up an impression of lacked of self-confidence, or even seen and hypocrites.

sometimes it's very hard to acquire a balance between the 2, and philosophers, psychologists, social workers, counselors have came out with an ultimately great and brilliant solution after years of researches and studies :"just be yourself".. being yourself doesn't please everyone, but the reason why we are looking at all these because we are trying to please everyone, now it is impossible to please everyone therefore we suffered, and now we seek for counseling for a solution, the counselors will tell us "just be yourself"............. = =

sounds like an endless circle? but that's just life, haha

To me i would prefer humble than confidence, of course u can have the confidence, in fact you must. however, when one of these 2 conditions appear:
1. ur great confidence irritate a number of ppl
2. u r so great till you closed down all doors and spaces for you to learn and improve

man, u really need to think again

chapter 28: leadership

2011-02-28T16:42:00.000-08:00

I always believe there's only 2 types of leadership, good and bad

What's leadership? I never think it is just an action of grabbing a sword and order... It might be useful towards crowds which have less thinking, or i should say relative low educated... You either follow me or get your head pawned.

Now, in this highly civilized society, what do we expect from a leader? There are sayings that leader doesn't need to be good in everything, but at least good in something, instead of knowing nothing.

This kinda situation is familiar, where a group of geniuses are lead by an idiot. Which indicates that leader nowadays are not only the decision maker, the superior one, the high and mighty all hail, but also a coordinator and communicator.

Therefore, now it leads to 2 types of good leader.
1. The superior, the all hail mighty, it comes when the team members have inferior ability compared to the leader, or the leader is extremely smart and capable.
2. The ordinary type where the team members might be more capable than the head. Here comes the characteristics of being humble, listen to your team members, willingness to learn, most importantly, shut up and listen.

I bet 80% of the type 1 leader nowadays are using leadership skills of type 2, unless you are just a pathetic dictator. However, if you r the idiot who leads the team of geniuses, but still think you can act like Rome Emperor, sorry, you are extremely irritating to all of us.

Chapter 27 : A little something about no plastic bags day

2011-01-11T13:53:00.000-08:00

Since they day we can't sleep without air cond, Malaysians have finally aware of the importance of preserving the environment, well, this also clearly shows the awareness level of common Malaysians towards the potential hazards on our beloved Mother...

We have been told about the non-biodegradable properties of plastic bags over the past 30 years, however aunties still requesting for extra plastic bags over the passed 50 years from the check out counter at the same time telling their baby boy and baby girl how pity is our dear turtle to get chocked by swallowing de-colored plastic bags mistaken it as jellyfishes. When the first "I am not a plastic bag" eco shopping bag is market, thousands of divas and intellectual, trendy folks worshiped it as a signature of fashion and eye-catching symbol, without actually looking at the actual significant.

Things get worse when we have rising temperature and volatile weather, intellectual house wives start to reject plastic bags to prevent global warming. Regardless of anyone knowing the actual link of plastic bags towards global warming, at least we are creating awareness, thats not too bad for Malaysians, anyway.

Back to the main topic, shopping centers are charging extras for plastic bags at specific days of the week. This looks noble to most folks i have mentioned at the above paragraph. Encouraging consumers to bring their own shopping bags by charging extras to save earth, without looking at the effectiveness of this policy, as consumers, are we really liable for this phenomena?

From the Hollywood movies I watched, overseas developed countries minimized the usage of plastic bags and replaced it with paper bags long before i were born. For developing countries like us, retailers chosen to use plastic bags to packed their goods in order to save cost. Now when the hazards come after 20 over years of ozone depletion, now they put the burden on consumers ourselves due to THEIR mistakes which made previously?

I do agree about the no plastic bags days. However, isn't it a better idea if they all could use paper bags? I believe most consumers don mind to pay 20 cents extra for paper bags in mandatory. In fact, we are already charged 20 cents for a plastic bag, why not make it a paper one?

I knew the action of banning usage of non-biodegradable plastic bags might made a lot of companies bankrupt, thats another issue~

Chapter 26: Routine

2011-01-08T16:18:00.001-08:00

I kinda found out that a healthy and discipline daily routine will greatly influence your life, your health, and of course, these two lead to changing your future and deciding who are you in the next ten years...

Still a senior exe level? GM? Director? CEO? or another pathetic dead body...

It's not hard to find out also.. that most successful people.. they have certain discipline to be insisted and practiced although ceaseless appointments almost ruin their life... well.. here comes to another issue - time management which will not further discuss in this piece of thing

Now the few most crucial things in deciding who you are or what you are, time management, financial planning, hard work and attitude all leads to a same thing... self discipline...
In fact, the word discipline is no longer as simple as an evil looking lady holding a thumb thick cane in your primary school... isn't it?

Now the question comes, obviously all creatures that are reading this blog (where i doubt there's any) are group living homosapien, where our actions and decisions does not only for our own good, but also consider other factors like social networking, lover, family and all this kinda shit..
I don't deny that someone might ruin his/her own life because the attitude is too lazy or crappy, but things might more or less be out of control when other ingredients, catalysts, or even impurities come into your life...
How to balance your working time, your social life, self improvement time, family days, or even something urgent like helping your close friends around you... We are human, not programmed machines, although both goes out of control but we have this probs much frequent...

The situation is worst when you have some sparkling stuff by the newly met prince charming or snow white... This is not the first time i heard this kinda story, "I used to be very good, living a discipline life and arrange my time properly... Now after I met him/her, my whole darn brain only thinking of that jerk, I can emo whole day in room without doing anything just because of some small matters or a few harsh words by that clown", "After I met you all hor, now i always home after 2, where i used to sleep before 12..."

When your frens are asking you for a cool outing session when you are about to prepare for some kinda examinations tomorrow, trust me, the devil is in yourself, don see horns and tails on your friends.
If a person can make you emo for whole day just by a few sentences, lets derive it mathematically.
On average 1 sentence contain 10 words.
10 words can make you emo for 8 hours.
If the probability of that person making you hurt is lets say.. 5 %
SMS + phone calls + meets at least 50 sentences per day, on average
50 x 5% = 2.5 sentences = 25 words
which means 20 hours of emo-ing per day
well... at least you still get to sleep 4 hours a day...

Wake up! dude, that is not the right one, time to click your NEXT button...

I still don have any solution for these... as usual... or i will be the next fxcking Da Vinci i think..
Managing and disciplining yourself is your own intelligence and insistence.. However, when it comes to balancing between family, friends, work, study, and your own... that needs certain degree of wisdom

chapter 25 : 2011

2010-12-05T14:33:00.000-08:00

thinking about the previous new year resolution

1 - get my car license, try to persuade my dad to get my sister another car so that i wont have to share the car with her = = (done)
2 - hope our new house's S & P and the whole progress is smooth and rapid... so that we can move in quickly (done)
3 - do well in my industrial training, at least don make any trouble = = (done)
4 - do well in my studies as well... at least got second upper la i happi already (KIV)
5 - keep in touch with all my frens, treat them well, appreciate them (done)
6 - get a partime job like home tuition or whatever izzit... prefer home tuition (done)
7 - maybe.. get... a person (done)
8 - try to overcome my asthma and go clubbing at least for once... maybe... until my car and house settled (done)
9 - live well and enjoy!!! (done)

So this year I will make a new one...

1 - graduate smoothly, and find my very own future direction without being influenced by any circumstances or anyone
2 - earn more, and save more
3 - work hard to at least maintain second upper, and get my engineering degree
4 - put more effort in my final year project, since my supervisor will not suggest nor help nor guide on anything
5 - maintain my relationship status, hopefully
6 - be more mature, do not get angry easily by bitchy talks from the mouth of jerks
7 - make my communication skills level up which i can talk to anyone easily, charisma skills
8 - keep in touch with all my frens, treat them well, and make them appreciate me
9 - enjoy

chapter 24: the sims

2010-10-29T17:28:00.001-07:00

I was playing the sims 3, the fast lane stuff
thanks to my standard 4 student, he asked me to help trying to install by using the installer cd he gave to me... unfortunately... I am able to install with my XP but his vista cannot absorb the whole program complete... wakaka

I wasn't putting much effort in this game at the very beginning... in fact, i hasn't been putting my heart into any game for long due to the overwhelming pressures = = now i realized what game can do in our lives, especially the sims, u can be anyone in the game which you cannot achieve in reality... can be the most happening person in town, successful with 4/5 invested or even owned business... international super spy, forensic analyzer... party every weekend... no wonder these advancement of game created to many potatoes.... "seats" potatoes...

back to the topic, I tried using 2 people with no commitment issue... staying together... both were in police line. Eventually, one end up to be an international spy and another end up to be forensic scientist... the forensic scientist were hot where he was not only hooked up with his roommate, but also fucked around the whole town... having 2/3 people with romantic interests at the same time...

after the retirement age... the feeling is very different.. the hot muscular forensic scientist suddenly become an old man... all of the frens were also old... and forensic scientist starts to learn painting where spy starts to learn writing... the first stage of getting old is retire... and learn a new hobby as your career...

no doubt, they have a lot of pension which enables them to invest and live a wealthy lives... here comes the second stage, when the old frens of them... passed away one by one... and it was getting easier to feel lonely... and isolated... thats where it comes..

the third stage is, the international spy finally passed away... now left with the forensic scientist... hoping that he can also died faster where there are meaningless to go on since the loved ones has already gone... finally.. he died...

I can foresee my retirement from this, if there are not families and no commitment issues, no children.. the most crucial elements for you to avoid living a miserable live is CASH + FRENS,,, now, the second stage of old age... all of your old frens gone one by one... and you will realized that all these actually is not that important... thats come the third stages... it will be your turn soon...

Lets get real and stop fascinating with this stupid game = = I have a lot of things to do la... so busy still wanna play this kinda stupid game... haiz (next time i should try the drawing, writing, and music career, can work from home)

Chapter 23: chat

2010-10-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

i just had a chat with one of my old buddies... i mean.. OLD XP

I am not sure about it, but i kinda realized that that's a theory behind this:
when you are a teenager, u tend to be very quiet and mind your own business
when you went to college, you have your own circle and start to be happening
when you grown up into adults, you try to be as sociable as possible to open more path
when you are quite senior in your job, you like to talk about bombastic theories on work ethic to impress the fresh
after your retired age, there are nothing much to do except talking, therefore you will be very over excited when someone can talk to you... and you realized that you can easily talk to a stranger for the whole afternoon in a park...

the theory is age(A) is directly proportional to degree of talkativeness(T), A=kT where k = constant

back to the topic... I have been playing the sims now... thanks to my student who gave me the CD... in sims you will have to be success and earn lifetime happiness if you grant all your wishes of your sim... and a balance is very important.. work, family, colleague, boss, friends, communities, and personal interests...

I have a million and one thing waiting for me to do... but i choose to used my time to chat... because i think thats worthy as i am "investing" my time to get to know my frens and wat he or she is thinking... how much prices do you need to pay for knowing what's your fren is thinking? priceless... And that's why i don ever think i am wasting my time..

From now on i'll try to balance my own life....and now it's time to get back to work = =

chapter 22: water

2010-10-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

From what i have remembered, most of my childhood problems arises from water issues, drought or flood.

I used to live in rented house. The first house that i remembered is an old shophouse, 3rd floor if i am not mistaken. The water pump seems to be very worn out and sometimes it cannot do its job properly by pumping it up to reach our house. Thats why the tap water is always slow, we have a hard time collecting it. The second issue is, the water tank in the bathroom was broken down as well where the water leveling and auto-lock system is not working. Before shower, we have to open the main supply and after showering you have to close it back. It requires a little bit of technique because, if u just slightly open it you wouldn't have enough supplies to shower but if you open it too large, you will feel like showering in the rain.

The second rented home. Although water pump is not an issue anymore but the tank's problem still persist. The most fatal problem is some pipes or whatever shit izzit is clogged, therefore any rainy days the water will leak from the roof top to our kitchen, slowly to the room. Every time when there's a rain, I will have to stay awake and keep sweeping the water so that it wouldn't cause any "flood". I dunno how funny izzit to tell anyone about my house is flooding eventhough i live 1 floor above the ground, but even now i have moved, sometimes i found difficulties in sleeping during rainy or stormy night, which suppose to turn out to be a good weather to sleep.

Moving into new home, the new LCD is not bought, the new cooking stove is not set up, even my sister's bed is still not ready and she have to sleep in a couch, all these we can wait. However, if there's a water leakage, or any piping problems, water filters setting ups, we will try to solve it in hours, latest in few days. Besides the bad experiences we have gone through, most crucial reason is water is the second most important element in survival of human kinds, after oxygen. Chinese believes that water is "prosperity", if the water system in your house is not functioning properly, which means the "fengshui" will affect your luck.

We are very lucky to live in Malaysia, one of the biggest rain forest country where shortage of water supply is never an issue, and we even have extras to sell it to our neighboring country. Thousands of miles away, there are countries who suffer from water shortage everyday. Imagine the difference, at this moment you can drink directly from your tap by just fingers away, at the same time, thousands of miles away children of 10 years old might need to walk with bare foot for nearly 10 km with 2 heavy pails of yellowish-colored water, just to get sufficient supplies for the whole family on that particular day.

By the time you enjoy your bubble bath with waters of perfect temperature, at this moment itself, miles away there are babies who shower in muddy ponds.

You might be feeling guilty right now, but what else we can do besides weeping and saving our water cost from now on? $ 25, which means less than rm100, what we can do with that? Some people might spent it within a day, or just for a decent meal, not even a nice pair of jeans. I was shocked to be told that $ 25 you can make a person to have clean water supply for life. Means if you have 5 members in your family, mom, dad, sis, bro, and yourself, by just paying less than rm 500, you can cover your water bills for whole life, from baby to granny. Developed countries might spent billions on countless of unnecessary projects, which proven that it's not about the matter of "can" or "can't", is about the matter of "yes" or "no".

Donation might not be a concern for you, people who are reading this might be just a student, a low wages employee, or anyone who can't afford this kinda extra expenses. I, myself, i didn't donate XP. What the world need, is not your cash, is your hand, and your mouth, to spread it and create extreme awareness globally on this issue which can relate to life-and-death matter of the whole nations, adult, seniors, and even children.

It's time to use the power of your words to help the world. Clean water supplies are not charity, it's the most fundamental human rights.
http://blogactionday.change.org/

chapter 21:sunset

2010-10-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

i was in leisure mall waiting for 8 pm, where my tuition starts. after swallowing my dinner in wongkok, i just decided to just take a short break in oldtown before i proceed to my boring physics lesson (although i tried my best to be as enthusiastic).

Surprisingly, leisure mall oldtown turns out to be one of the best sunset which i have seen. The structure is like there are some outdoor seats with a small, elegant fountain, where you can just sit there romantically (whether u r alone, with your lovers, your frens, or some assholes who hasn't contact you for hundreds of years suddenly shown up and tried to sell you something) and relax yourself.

The scenery that you need to "buy" with perhaps nearly rm 100 or even an overseas trip, now you can just enjoy it with maybe 10 or 20 bucks spent in oldtown. just a friendly reminder, it might seems fabulous to dine under the sunset. however, if you think your skin is extremely sensitive and will burn immediately upon exposure of UV light, i suggest you to think twice.
It's a regret where i don have a good camera to take down this scenery, but isn't that create more imaginations? do visit there if you are free.. haha

I am officially having 4 students now = = by the way 2morrow is blog action day ya~

http://blogactionday.change.org/

write something to support our world~

Chapter 20: Tuition

2010-09-02T04:16:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since the last time i was called as a "teacher".

I used to teach tuition, once in a while... but recently i just decided to make teaching as my long term career, not only in tuition of course..

At the very beginning, my intention of having a home tuition job as a part time is just to cover my petrol and car servicing expenses... But u know the market trend, once you found one... others will come to you like collapsing snow balls... From my target of few hundreds to one thousand a month and now i am earning nearly a fresh grad's salary for my part time... yes... PART TIME! I have a harsh time arranging my schedule, selecting course to coordinate with my tuition time... And, I even gave up on polymer subject to study on HASEEB, i am the only person who registered for his course without taking his thesis title = = (but i am not regret la.. honestly)

Lets summarize my schedule
Monday- Class 10 to 1, tuition 4-6, 7-9
Tuesday - Class 11 to 5, tuition 8 to 930
Wednesday - Class 2 to 5, tuition- none (just re schedule)
Thursday - Class 11 to 4, tuition 430 to 630, 7 to 9
Friday - Class 10 to 12, tuition 4 to 6, 7 to 9

I have 3 students, standard 4, standard 6, and senior highschool form 5... and i noticed teaching higher level is easier than small kids = =
I dunno what my students think about me, u know, sometimes i just feel like i am not good enough. Why isn't my students concentrating sometimes? Why are they forgetting what i have though? To small kids, there are even more issues. Kids requesting to change tutor, claimed that they have no improvements, or refuse to tuition.

Sometimes i just dunno what i can do, as usual, i will always put the blame on me. I didn't delivered it in a proper understandable manner? Or my class is too boring? I gave my students a lot of freedoms actually.. or have i given too much freedom? I am not harsh enough? Or I am too firm to keep pushing them to do do do what i asked to...

I fell sick twice in 2+ months after i arrange myself these schedule... I dunno why.. i just feel like.. ya... i am earning something and i have nothing for myself...

Next time, after this badge of upsr and spm, I would just accept secondary school at least... i guess... at least i can communicate with them better = =

Chapter 19: Carbon Nanotubes

2010-08-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

I dunno how many ppl will know wat i am about to crap out but i will try my best = = anyway it's just a blog...

lets start with my FYP... i was asked to synthesis out a carbon nanotubes with amorphous form first before crystalline it.. I have tried it with quartz boat, with a cover, at high temperature 700C but end up the pressure inside the ceramic quartz boat is too high... which the chemical gases emitted from the raw materials, ferrocene, push up the cover and escape from the quartz = = at the end, the reaction is not complete and left me with a dirty quartz boat = =

I have consulted my adviser and noticed this prob... high pressure due to furnace's high baking temperature... he said.. why not we use other method, use ferrocene as some kinda initiator with benzene as carbon source (i guess) then we need to use an autoclave... stainless steel autoclave... the one which can withstand high pressure... therefore even there is high internal pressure due to high temperature the gases will not escape...

Immediately i went to the autoclave lab and my dear phd student told me that the autoclave can only goes up to 130C (which is slightly more than enough to boil water and make milo), i was like WTF! the autoclave is meant for usage of high temperature... because it can prevent gases from escaping from the container... but now OUR autoclave can only handle low temperature = =

I went back to my adviser... tell him the prob... then he answer gloriously ... then... we try EVEN LOWER TEMPERATURE SYNTHESIS!! ppl normally go to 200 we make it 130... cool... regardless of whether the reaction will take place at 130 such low temperature or not.. i was thinking... if we are using low temperature... then the issue which the gases will escape from the container will be solved.. then why not we use and ordinary furnace (which can goes up to 200C, at least) instead of using the 130C water boiling autoclave? he said... nvm we use autoclave first and then see how = =

another issue is... the sodium and benzene is ordered by dear mengnee but it is still not here.. yet = = wondering whether i need to wait till after raya... everybody knows sodium is an extremely reactive chemical stored in paraffin oil.. 2 issues i am facing...

1, how to measure the weight accurately if it is store in a paraffin oil? how do i know whether the weight i obtained is how many % of paraffin oil and how many % of sodium
2, how to get rid of the paraffin oil after reaction? will it like need some specific chemicals to dissolve it or it will goes by itself?

Everything need to KIV before the things is sent... Wondering whether the chemical supplier knows anything about these... Somebody help me!!!!

I love my thesis

Chapter 18: Speaking?

2010-08-27T17:06:00.000-07:00

First of all... just to tell u that i haven't update my blog for decades because i am too busy with tuition... thesis... and academic... well talk about it later

I am taking 2 courses this semester that more or less related to speaking.... or i should say gave us more opportunity to speak

1: Critical Thinking
I suppose this subject is core for almost all diploma or undergrad students... all kinda craps about arguments, reasons, acceptability, assumptions and conclusion.. Regardless of whether this course is helpful or just another piece of junk, something i appreciate this is every single lesson it has potential chances for everyone to come to the front and speak and present about the articles we have asked to find... which have arguments, reasons, or whatsoever of critical thinking elements
(I personally think this is helpful, especially essential when u r arguing with some jerks on the forum... well... i did CT all the time~)

I have also observed the attitude of Malaysians (including me), or I should say Asians (me, of course) in volunteering... we prepare articles and read it so hard not to present in front of the class.. is like some kinda armor.. protection.. "in case" Dr Henk called my name out at least i got something instead of embarrassing myself... The volunteering culture is still poor... regardless the comparison between materials or mechanical engineering, Matriks or stpm...

2: Speaking English for Professional Purposes
The course's name sounds professional enough.. although the content is not as the name indicates... this course is all about speeches... and speeches... I don't call myself a good speaker but I was quite confident with my skills (with some degree of arrogance) as my sales working experiences and teaching languages in an adult class.. For this course... I have learned that I was actually a lousy speaker = =
- keep quiet if u r thinking... don.. ah... erm... eh... you know...
- beware of your tone... don sounds like train passing by...
- have proper body language/ even prepare a more attractive virtual aids like slides or pictures or videos, people prefer "watching" than "listening"
- keep your sentences short... know your audience... do not need to use bombastic words to show how good u r ...
- get an attention getting opener and graceful ending... it's just like choir, as long as u enter the note nice, end nice, nobody will care what u did in the middle

For the previous generation, public speaking is the last thing they wanna do, before dying... After our great inventor has produce something call "karaoke"... everyone is fighting for the mic nowadays... However, it takes more than courage to be standing up.. unless you wanna clown yourself up there...I will still be nervous, afraid, and shiver.. trying to overcome..

The best thing is.. NO EXAM FOR THESE 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!ppl.... lets...HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 17: I don't understand

2010-06-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

it should be a very good start on my new relaxing life upon the completion of my six months' industrial training.

Sometimes i just don't understand, when i try to be nice to people in my own way, i am never being respected, at least, just try to make me feel like i exist? sometimes i just feel like i am a total invinsible or clown in front of everyone.

i tried my best to entertain everyone, hope people can be happy with my presence around, end up being hurted and teased. you just cant imagine how many tears and sorrows i have swallow behind this clowny happy face.

maybe be that's part of growing up, hiding your own feelings and wear a mask. i think it's time.

Chapter 16: Emo

2010-05-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

I would like to say that... please appreciate it if u have the privilege to be angry... emo... or being sad...

Let's put it in this way... When u get emo or angry... what do you expect from others? Would you feel better if everyone around you is being influenced by your so call negative emotions? Regardless of whether it is your own fault or others?

If, you started to show faces or walk away suddenly without saying anything... Emo or watever... but nobody cares and everyone just enjoy themselves like nobody's business... how would you feel? Would you feel better afterwards, that at least your garbbage emotions are not affecting the crowd?

Again I need to emphasis, please appreciate the privilege to be angry... at least somebody cares...

At least you are having something that i never own.

Dunno what else to write, i dun understand everytime i start to write a blog in the office so many clowns wander around just to get a sneaky peek

Chapter 15: Look Around

2010-04-13T19:48:00.001-07:00

i have chosen this title as i just started to drive... weeks after i officially got my license... always taught to look in front, look around, try to observe whatever things happen 270degrees in front of you and don't forget to look back through the mirror...

life is just like driving... u see... all the while we have to look in front... drive our pathways and see anything which we need to avoid, slow down, speed up, or even stop, looking at the sign board or anything else. looking in front is crucially important because without doing so you will end up in losing your way or even accident. Look at the furthest, plan and estimate your next step.

When you get any obstacles or any slowing down car that blocks your way, or when you need to change your lane, look besides you or your side mirror. Similarly, when you are facing any dilemma or loses in your life, try looking around. there are still many things/people that you owned, or many things/people that still needs you. You are still important to a lot of them instead you a useless jerk ass which you used to though you are.

When you are coming out from the parking, look behind to avoid hitting anything or anyone. Similarly, when you are tired of looking in front and moving on, just rest for a while, you see, it would not hold you back much. However, when you tried to start your journey again, remember to look back, see where you have parked, what you have done previously and plan your way to come out from the parking lot and carry on with your journey. Our dear uncle instructor will always say, look at the back mirror once in a while, then only you can roughly estimate your speed, whether you are too slow or too fast... try to look behind...

Many people will look in front, some will be haunted from the pass by keep looking behind, most will just stop at the parking lot or wandering around in the parking lot for nothing... without moving in front... least people will look around instead... when you feels like you are nothing... try to look around... look deeper and observe better... you will find that things are not as bad as how you have imagine... most of you who are reading this blog... you can drive so much better than me... why didn't you though of these?

For me, i tried to look around all the time to look at my frens... my dearestS... and people who needs me... to see what i can do for them or in what way they need my help...
Therefore, when i am trying to offer you a helping hand, even though you shut your door, please at least open the window to offer a quick peek... it will be comforting enough though

Chapter 14: Inertia

2010-04-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

I was facing a lot of changes in my life these few days....

just got my license and started to drive, my first step to realize that driving is not as easy as what i usually think as a newbie noob driver. it is more than convenience and cost but also responsibility to ensure everything goes well and smoothly... although... well.. i almost screw up by almost creating SEVERAL accidents on the road due to my fault... hey relax man... i am still here blogging and my kancil is still parking downstair...

next thing is i am moving soon, into my own house in a totally different neighborhood. no more walking distance to times square pavilion for me and at last we can stay in our own house since for 22 years since i was born i always stayed in a rented house. in spite of handling a lot of minor minor things like cleaning up packing and buying new furniture s and gadgets, i just feel awkward.

it is something very weird... I am a person who will get bored easily by the same situation, circumstances, environment, or surroundings... at the same time i am afraid of changes, unknown, unpredictable incidents. i am tired of all these.... well if you understand wat i mean... (i doubted nobody will read this iamnotyudian.blogspot.com)

sometimes i just feel like... i am looking for a person.... a place... which can makes me feels like home.... or i am already at home without noticing? i dunno...

chapter 13: big or small?

2010-03-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

sometimes we tend to enlarge something that we don intend to see but shrink something that we are enjoying it but never appreciate... enlarging it is to make ourselves and everyone feels bad about it and to send a message to everyone that "i am hurted now and i actually took seriously about it!!!" in the end.. nobody get anything for any cash return but a whole bunch of misunderstanding and hard feelings.

an unavoidable circumstances where we are forced to choose... lets say choosing 2 among 3 of our frens to be in a certain groups.. 1 of them must be left out u see... if u are not chosen... u will think that the leader left u out and u are such a good fren for him but he did this to u... similarly... if he choose u and abandoned his fren... he will have the same feeling too.. right? if it is just a small matter then just let it be... don take it too personally and tend to enlarge it,...

wat do we need to enlarge and remind us daily? is the good thing that ppl did to us everyday... is just like a 20 years experienced waiter... never did anything wrong for the past 20 years and performed very well but nobody will care and appreciate it.. "come on~ its his job right?".. but once he made a mistake like placing wrong orders "hey! i really cannot accept it.. u r a senior worker and u can make such mistake!" ppl will never ask on the circumstances whether the situation is chaotic or the customer itself never mention it clearly... izzit fair for him? magnifying his mistake and ignoring his contribution daily...

the summary of this piece of thing is

1: don take it too personaly
2: don enlarge unnecessary things

thats all

chapter 12: nightmare

2010-01-31T21:36:00.000-08:00

i had a nightmare yesterday night.. which keeps me up from 12 to 1 = =
there were 2 scenes... first one is i was dead and up there looking at those ppl who cried for me...
my frens... him... her... so many ppl there....
second one is because i am not careful enuf i caused one of my dearest friend died of an accident...
i dunno wat it means but i am reallly scare now..
life can be very fragile..
really...
thats y i am so sleepy in office now = =

chapter 11: life and dead

2010-01-25T18:18:00.000-08:00

i suppose most of my frens around my age have not think of this issue before..

most of us will easily just treat life and dead like nothing... oh.. just die lo passed is passed and cannot turn back.. wat we can do now is appreciate wat we have now..
this kinda nonsense can easily came out from a brain retardation freak...

but when u actually face it.. like ur close fren,.... ur relatives... even ur family beloved...
u will not treat them as easy as that.. u will realized that u r not any philosopher or noble man which can see through life and dead.. u will realized that u r just humans.. u will feel sad... miserable.. helpless and try to ignore it saying that it is impossible.. something must have wrong..

we often read from fb/msn personal message saying that.. he/she left me... he/she is my everything and i don wanna live anymore... or saying that u wanna die or commite suicide or anything... imagine.. if really,.... suddenly u r diagnosed with a fatal disease such as hiv or cancer... will u be glad that u can finally die soon? as u wish...

without looking through the religious concern.. once a person die is just like a pc being permanently shut down.. no feeling and emotions at all... but of course.. it u leave a whole lot of miserables and sadness to ur love once... please.. appreciate urself and ur life not only for urself...

chapter 10: love

2010-01-20T00:11:00.000-08:00

recently just heard some news from an old fren of mine... or i should say... my ex...
the person i mentioned is not very happy in a quite "long-lasting" relationship and trying to choose between letting go and staying..

sometimes love really can drives us crazy.. u knew that it wont last... u knew that it will not end up to be a happily ever after kinda stuff... u knew that the person is not the same channel or doesn't suits u at all where u suffered like mau mati when u be with him/her.. but yet.. u still don give up hoping that miracles will happen..

miracles... well... love itself is a miracle awarded from god to us... which make a person drives so insane for another unrelated person...

love should be a gifts.. but human beings turned it over and modified it into a curse...

i dunno... actually i still cared about my ex and hate that so called current lover... who taught my innocent ex to smoke == (according to them)..
what to do... as wat my fren said... (jibai wkl2u jason).. passed is passed... no matter how closed it used to be... how sweet and intimate it used to be... today is a whole new day...

a new fucking day where i have no rights at all the gives a shit about what that devil have done to my ex.... my... EX..

chapter9: a few mircons difference...

2010-01-13T22:00:00.000-08:00

just now i was having lunch with my fren in the factory's cafeteria..
we were talking about stuff related to work as usual.. uknow...
future plans.. careers.. some gossips of course...
he started the topic saying that..
we are measuring with sophisticated instruments everyday.. get data... compile data.. and collect collect collect...
everyday stays in lab and productions line..
if something happen to the reading... the need to investigate the cause whether it is the operator's error, human error, miscalculations or machinary technical error..
my main point is...
he used a very funny sentences..
"they are dealing with and argue for a few microns' difference everyday"

walao = =
i feel so funny and pathetic = =

(no wonder i heard dunno who said there are no humors in heaven cause the root of humor is somebody's suffer = =)

i am an engineering man.. at least in the future..
when you were young u read in ur primary text book...
they picture engineers as a guy wearing a yellow cap observing a big big plan picture under the sun in front of a construction site ....
right?
i don wanna spend rest of my whole life arguing for minor minor stuff@!!!!!

chapter 8: childish

2010-01-11T00:42:00.000-08:00

compared to other folks with similar age categories like me..
it is undeniable that i have experienced more things in childhood and adolescence than usual..
wat u expect... everyone experiences loan sharks and parental divorce and even parental violence? = =

i dunno.. recently i found myself act very childish.. very manja and nid ppl to take care of and sayang me = =
who knows... maybe i have experienced so many things.. i am suppose to be more matured and independent but things happen in the other way round= =
i talked to my frens about this issue... and he said.. maybe all the experiences and things that i have known.. i just absorbed it as a knowledge.. only
deep in my heart.. i am still a child who needs hugs and cares.. from elders... or at least someone who makes me "feels" like he/she is an elder = =

hey... remember Micheal Jackson? he is not really a pedophilia like what the media said,... brag about..
i believe that he likes children so much as a children..
although he is already 50./.... maybe...

HEY!!! most talented ppl are like that le..
am i one of them,?

chapter 7:supervisor not here!!!

2010-01-11T00:39:00.000-08:00

it is kinda funny that..
when ur superior or ur supervisor is not here..
then u have no motivation push to work at all = =

erm,.... i mean cases like me... when i don really have anything ACTUAL to do...

today my supervisor is not here.. having leave or something..
hurray!!!!
guys
lets play brain buddies ~~~

i don think it's a good habit la..
i used to be very "self-starter" type in work..
but now i am kinda passive..
maybe it's true... i don realy have anything actual to do = =

so... actually is not the employees who influence the corporate culture..
the corporate culture also more or less affects the worker's attitude ==

chapter 6: think too much

2010-01-01T07:46:00.000-08:00

i dunno why every time i try to write a piece of blog because something just came up...
when i start typing,... i really duno how to start with = = everything messed up
i guess thats why most ppl chosen to quite blog and use facebook XX says: as how they express themselves...

well i am not sure whether at my age i should be more practical or think further..
i feel like i have a lot of plans in the future.. u know
i wanna work hard... earn money... open my own small business... slowly become bigger and bigger
i am not working for ppl for my whole career life = =
if i work i prefer jobs which face a lot of ppls... instead of machine.. pretty weird for an engineering student.. but yet.. if u want me to face machines for my whole life i would rather jump down from my bed now = =

i think i wont get married... get a person until i old or something

mayb thats the time u nid some old frens.. u know... at least even if u feel lonely.. u wont "look" like u r lonely.. thats the whole point of it right? appearance...
sometimes i feel like stirring back the time... but sometimes i wish to fast forward it so that i could achieve my... plan... although they r just .. plans... ==
i dunno who will be reading this..
just take this as a waste of few minutes time in ur life from reading my blog.. wakakaka

thats all

chapter 5: 2010

2009-12-30T18:29:00.000-08:00

just few more hours then we are leaving 2009 behind...
just like wat most of my frens did
wishlist for 2010 = =

1 - get my car license, try to persuade my dad to get my sister another car so that i wont have to share the car with her = =
2 - hope our new house's S & P and the whole progress is smooth and rapid... so that we can move in quickly
3 - do well in my industrial training, at least don make any trouble = =
4 - do well in my studies as well... at least got second upper la i happi already
5 - keep in touch with all my frens, treat them well, appreciate them
6 - get a partime job like home tuition or whatever izzit... prefer home tuition
7 - maybe.. get... a person
8 - try to overcome my asthma and go clubbing at least for once... maybe... until my car and house settled
9 - live well and enjoy!!!

that's all

chapter 4: newbie in jazz

2009-12-27T18:19:00.000-08:00

i was in sungai wang one day with my fren.. HY.. well.. if i am not mistaken it is the day where i was so pissed off because everybody said they were sick or not free or whatever shit izzit when i tried to call out some accompanions, but eventually went out for clubbing at night, which i refused and unable to join.
back to the topic, i was watching a something like nicholas tsea or something like that related zeroX sunglasses singing competitions... the contestants' performance was ok... just ok... not very impressive or wat..
when everything comes to an end one of the judges named rhino or wat... a lady dressed and hair like promoter auntie in jusco when up and sing her own piece of song... some jazz fusions kinda stuff... she was... brilliant... i think after listening to her i just not interested to know who will be the winner of this so called competition.... her level is so much higher = =

well now i started to take a deeper look on playing jazz... starts with piano..
everything starts with dominant7 = =
anyone wanna teach me>?

chapter 3: why am i always the 2nd important?

2009-12-24T00:09:00.000-08:00

everything starts with a lonely Christmas..
it seems like the whole world is having their own sweet plan to get wild or get romantic or get laid or watever izzit..
oh.. i am going with my school frens...
oh... i am going to clubbing in ob with my frens... u wanna join?
oh... i am going to bbq.. u wanna join?
oh.. i am in hometown.. with my family..

if u know me well enuf u will know tat i cant go clubbing... asthma and i don really like bbq... most of "your" frens i dunno at all...l
i don understand.. 10 ppl i told them i have no dates at all on 24th night... 12 of them will so shocked..
HA!!! nobody date u wor!!! dian wor!! nobody date u meh

the fact is.. my phone was always silent.. just fulled with stupid heartless forward messages..
i don understand why my plan always doesn work out the way i expected it to be... it is so stupid like the whole world is against my will..

i start to realized that those so called my "frens" they have their own social circle.. own community.. and i am just all alone.. yes.. alone...

i might seems popular enuf among my peers my deep down inside i am just lonely.,.. pathetic freak...

thats all... another abandoned soul in our warm sweet silent night

if u are reading this.. merry X'mas

chapter 2: the good old days...

2009-12-21T01:08:00.000-08:00

i was browsing through my old frens' pic in fb... nothing to do will make u think a lot
(main point is... i was in the office)

then suddenly i saw something very familiar..... famliar uniforms.. familiar faces..
yes.. that was my secondary schoolmates....

i used to be a not very "welcomed" person among my peers, some of them thinks that i am weird or gayish or watever in the world which can describe me... it is weird that i missed my secondary school life... suddenly...

i have no idea.. whether i really missed my school life.. or the current life is too hectic.. stressful.. trying to take a break from the reality = =

or maybe, i am trying to show frens how an ugly duckling turned to a gorgeous swan !!! wakakaka
at least... less pimples and fitter body

my mother always say.. when u start to miss the good old days... it is a syndrome of aging = =

chapter 1: i can't believe this!!

2009-12-16T21:41:00.000-08:00

yes... i mean...
if u have any doubt on that, i have to assure you that, i am typing this piece of blog in my office! there's been 3 days since the first day i start my internship program in freescale, and guess what, today is thursday, tomorrow is a holiday, which means a week here...

how should i start... my reporting supervisor is kinda young... charming guy... that also kinda busy... so he just left me behind without giving me any task/work/assignment = =
facebook everyday.. woohoo!!!!

basically i kinda enjoy my current lifestyle... leisure and free... except for the fact that i have a extraordinary healthy daily routine and sleeping habit... 11-6 = =... reminds me of my secondary school life..(in fact i am always one of the late comers = =)

now the only thing comes into my mind is...
how should i write my daily report? = =